“Everyone wants to be happy, nobody wants any pain, but you know you can’t have a rainbow without any rain.”
Pain hits you (or maybe just me) at the weirdest times. I can go weeks with being okay, and then something will happen that will make me relive every past moment and just cry.
I haven’t written in a while and well to tell you the truth its because I’ve had no inspiration. What can I write about? What can I tell about? After a week of indecision, Ive finally found my way back to writing. Remember, I said pain hits you at the weirdest times and right now at 12:13 a.m. as I am writing this….it has hit.
There’s something about seeing a certain picture or hearing a certain song or experiencing something I know only God planned that brings me back to when my Nicole Q. died. It has been almost 8 months now, but the wrath of such tragedy still lingers around. I think about Nicole Q. everyday, but some days the pain just hits harder. Some days it is just harder to think about.
When I arrived at college, the only people I knew were the other soccer players. There were 10 freshmen and we all stuck together. We got to college a couple weeks before everyone else so we could start preparing for our season that actually started before school did. I was fortunate enough to room with another soccer player and within about a week, we knew everything about each other and have since grown to become best friends. I honestly am blessed everyday to have Allie as my roommate. From saying a prayer with me when I am struggling to dancing around the room till 2 a.m. for absolutely no reason, she is quite honestly the best.
August 17 was the day the rest of all the freshmen came to move into the dorms and get settled down. Me and Allie had just finished 2 a days and were exhausted when screams and stomping feet soon filled the hallway. We woke up and opened up our door to complete chaos. Hour after hour passed and people were still moving boxes up and down stairs, prolonging the goodbyes. We decided to leave our door open (just in case anyone you know wanted to walk in and meet us) and surely enough within about 10 minutes, a girl walked in. We said the awkward hello’s and made the typical smalltalk but little did I know that a girl that would become one of my best friends just walked into our room.
Want to hear something kinda freaky/cool/God sent? Her name was Nicole H. Blond like my Nicole Q. Spunky and fun and athletic like my Nicole Q. Now I’m not saying that they resembled each other perfectly for they are each their own person, but how coincidental is it that the first non-soccer player I met here was named Nicole. Little weird right? Well…it gets better. Over the course of the first semester and into the second, I have learned a lot about Nicole H. We literally tell each other EVERYTHING and do pretty much everything together. Tonight we just so happened to be sitting on my bed watching the Olympics and looking at old pictures of ourselves on Facebook. Nicole H. came across an old volleyball picture she had taken and said, “Oh my gosh. You are never going to believe this.” She slowly turned her I-Pad around to display the image and that’s when I saw it.
Nicole H. was #33 JUST LIKE MY NICOLE Q.
A wave rushed over me and I just burst into tears. The pain had hit me. It’s not like the pain of still trying to accept what has happened or not understanding why it happened, but it’s just the pain where I just flat out miss my Nicole Q. I miss talking to her. I miss hanging out with her. I miss hearing her laugh. I just miss her.
Even though pain still does hit me, I know far better things are to come from it. Sometimes to get to good things, you have to go through some rough and gut wrenching times. I miss Nicole EVERYDAY, but I am able to still live and still laugh because of these 2 lovely girls that have become some of my closet friends (plus Horace, Timothy, Phillip Flu, Puggy, Virginia, Monkey 1 and Monkey 2 (-: ). Although pain may fall upon you, know a rainbow is waiting for you just over the horizon.